Click To Behead: The Social Game Of Thrones

If it's popular, it gets a tie-in social network game that's launched on Facebook with a big old song'n'dance and then slumps into obscurity a few months later. EA have just this weekend taken the insidious Dragon Age Legends out the back of the sheds and put it out of its misery, but if you are still craving glacially slow, micro-transacted up the wazoo fantasy empire-building then perhaps the Facebook Game Of Thrones: Ascent will fill that bizarre void in your life. Of course, if it was truly faithful to the books/TV show, victory would stem from asking any relatives you have on Facebook to agree to the most unsavoury liasions with you. I would applaud such a design decision, and then start retching violently.

Here's the blurb:

"In Game of Thrones Ascent players will lead the life of a noble during the time of upheaval as portrayed in the books and the series thus experiencing a new type of game that unites both story and strategy. Players will claim their birthright by choosing which of the great houses they'll swear allegiance to, securing their holdings, developing their lands and personal reputation, and assigning sworn swords to quests--while forging alliances with new friends and much more!"

Click, wait, click, wait, click, wait, click, wait, click, wait, spend, spend, wait, spend, stop. No, of course I'm not pre-judging Game of Thrones: Ascent before I've seen even a screenshot of it. I'd never do something so narrow-minded. I was talking about narrow-boat holidays. Yes.

The developer of the game is Disruptor Beam, who appear to specialise in this sort of thing. The game will specifically be based upon HBO's Game Of Thrones TV series rather than the books. That might mean more nudity. Or it might just mean occasional still photos of the cast during the tutorial.