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Ok, Playing Battlefield 3 Now

Initial question: why do these US military guys have a nice green pot-plant on their war-planning table?

Initial thought: I like the Johnny Cash soundtrack bit. Good choice.

Pot-plant update: there are pot-plants on every flat surface in this part of the game. I guess the marines had them there because they're buried in the things.


1. I am on a train!

2. Many dudes have died. Sorry, dudes. You WERE wearing balaclavas.

3. Quicktime event! I had to duck and then jump. Exciting stuff.

4. Whoa, that dude is NOT wearing a balaclava. He looks like he might be In The Plot.

5. CUTSCENE: Stuff, blah blah Blow Up New York something something.

6. In Iraq. Pot plants abound.

7. We have to rescue the marines! Running, running. SNIPER! FIREFIGHT!

8. Ah, good old scripted shooters. I can stand at the back here and shoot these dudes ALL DAY. But if I shoot the guy on the balcony it's time to go back inside for a chat.

9. Stuff from the videos. More stuff from the videos.

10. The audio is great. I do have a 400w subwoofer though, so audio is always great. Hm.

11. What's happening now? My chums found more dudes to shoot. Wow, I have already shot a lot of men. More to come, I guess. I wonder when the cacodemons show up.

12. Alt-tab out and notice noise that graphics card is making. That is the loudest it has been, ever, I think.

13. This next bit - where I am shooting a lot of men - is awesome.

14. And crashed. Time to post an RPS article, I think.

15. Ok, BACK. What the hell, I have to launch the game via my web browser the second time I run it? What is this WITCHCRAFT?!

16. Okay, now I keep dying. And again. Man!

17. Seriously, give me a break game. You are just being a dick.

18. Checkpoints, of course, mean I can't quicksave-attrition my way through. Have to keep dashing back from the hole where I battered a man to death.

19. Crash.

20. The audio is amazingly good. Absolutely great.

21. Just got the bit where the earthquake drops a building on me. I'm okay!

22. "Press [LMB] to stab."

23. Looks like the earthquake fucked the pot-plant population. No sign of them.

24. Oh, wow, amazingly well done being-dazzled-by-searchlight bit.

25. In a fairly intense fightfight now. On my own in the dark with an AK. Quite a bit trickier than scripty-shoots so far! Liking this bit.

26. "There, shoot the dog!" Dog? Oh, they mean me.

27. The guys in the interrogation room cutscenes seem EXTRAORDINARILY unimpressed by the story being told here. They are like "meh" and I have just killed about 1000 dudes, survived having a tower block in my face, and then fought my way to escape on an Osprey, while under heavy fire. It's the most incredible war story ever told and these guys aren't interested!

28. I am on an aircraft carrier!

29. I am going to fly a jet fighter!

30. What I mean, of course, is that I am going to get a ride in a jet fighter.

31. The plane is an unconvincing on-rails shooty bit. Not great.

32. No plants of any kind.

33. Flying bit finally over. Somewhere else now. In a ditch. I can't move. People are talking about "the wheels of fate".

34. It's war!

35. Crikey, this bit is intense. A night battle for a city. Lights and gunfire and explosions. Running down a riverbed, under a motorway, under fire constantly. This single-player might be a bit shaky but it's something when it pulls out the stops. (And doesn't trap you in an aircraft.)

36. Brain hurts. Going to make a cup of tea and stand outside in the rain for a bit. More soon!

37. BACK! Long firefight through the city, complete with getting ambushed by a tank and then killing a bunch of its tank chums. This bit is a pretty good firefight, but I am getting a little annoyed with the rigidity of the scripting. Your chums do not see you and are immovable objects that push you around if you get in their way. (And in the game!)

38. Yikes, just stabbed someone that was being held by an NPC chum. I don't know exactly why that increased the gruesomeness, but it did.

39. This man is dead :(

40. Yay, this man is asleep on some money! Not really, he's dead too.

41. He is also asleep on the carpet down the hall. He gets around, that guy.

42. Ooh! Plot twist. I won't give that away, but it's exciting!

43. And now I am a Russian guy. My friends look nice:

44. Haha, superb over-the-top violence as Russian chums run over a guy, whose head goes through the windscreen, where it is then fired into with a pistol by the passenger. Nasty.

45. Dude!

46. Dude!

47. This bit where I am a Russian is the best bit so far. Amazingly intense fight through a car-park, and now doing something in a gas-mask. It's pacey.

48. Hmm, seems like you only get the quicktime melee fight bit when the game wants it to happen. Get too close to a baddy by accident and they auto-stab you. Instant death, nothing you can do.

49. Noooo!

50. The Russians have fought their way through a stylish corporate office block (very Mirror's Edge) and out into the Paris streets. Loads of particles, loads of destruction, loads of visual cleverness. It really does look and feel incredible. Yes, the baddies are all pop-up drones, and it's a linear as a laserbeam, but it's impressive in places, and this is one of them. I'm genuinely amazed by the variety of environments, too.

51. The fucking scripting! I never know if I am about to open a door, if they NPCs are going to do it. Have to wait to see what they will do, over and over again.

52. This Paris streets bit is brilliant. Best shooting gallery in years. Incredibly dramatic ending. Good work, DICE.

53. Woohoo! The tank bit at last.

54. Blimey, tank bit is much, much longer than I expected. I have shot many tanks. Now in some kind of city, rescuing the person I was earlier. Hmm!

55. And I've been murdered. That's one of me down, anyway. Still two left!

56. Time for dinner. Looks like the game is wrapping up, though, so I'll finish off this evening.

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Battlefield 3

PS3, Xbox 360, PC, Nintendo 3DS

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Jim Rossignol