Compo: I Sold You And You Sold Me

You can tell RPS has arrived, because we've started to receive glorious tat from publishers. And, being spendthrift grasshoppers instead of tedious ants, we're clearly going to give it away. What have we to give you? Well, Vivendi have lobbed us two (count 'em!) World in Conflict Cossack hats, which add a suitably soviet ambiance to whatever look you choose to rock. For example, here's our model showing a Rasputin the Mad Games Journalist look, which is almost certain to be terribly popular this season.

So - what do you have to do to earn such a fine garment? Well, as you'll be aware, the USSR was big on using the KGB to spy on its citizens. But they were REALLY big on grasses, turning on their friends for the offer of (oh, I don't know) some lovely vodka or something. So that's what we're going to do - we want you to mail us one of your friend's secrets which they entrusted to you - something that you know and the world doesn't. The best secret wins. Clearly, the point of this game is for you to decide what's the minimum safe secret you can break without revealing that Trev once had sex with his Mum or something, but - hey - go knock yourself out. Be warned, we may print them here, so your friend may know you've betrayed them for a hat. Secrets too libellous to be printed will almost certainly be disqualified. The best secret is, clearly, entirely subjective and for our judges to decide.

Send us your secrets here. Deadline is the 25th of September, so you'll have to be Russian to get it us on time (Fired - Ed).