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Zam! Kapow! Wonk! Telltale's Batman Ep 2 On the 20th

Send in Joel Schumacher

"Bring back Joel Schumacher, all is forgiven," our Alec said in his Wot I Think of the first episode of Telltale's Batman series [official site]. Not a fan, that one. Found it a bit tedious, he did. Too familiar a Batstory. And I'm totally with him - I miss Joel Schumacher's Batman too. So look, here's the news: Episode 2 of Telltale's Batman will arrive on September 20th and it will be named Children of Arkham. Now that's out the way, we can focus on imagining Joel Schumacher's Batman - The Telltale Series.

I get it: Bruce Batwayne is a serious man with serious issues. I've seen the films, read the comics, and watched the TV show. Nowadays I understand he's committing mass murder and speaking in a voice so low only whales can hear. He's also a big ol' goofball larking about in a make-believe world wearing his jim-jams, and I'd like to see more of that fella in video games.

I want Batman grinding his Batsoapshoes down a dinosaur:

I want goofy gangs covered in neon paint:

I want imagery without the slightest shred of subtlety:

I want car chases down the arms of colossal statues:

I want Batman tripping his tits off at a grubby charity auction and trying to buy a date with Poison Ivy using his GOTHCARD:

I want even more neon gangs:

I want pick-up lines like "I'll bring the wine, you bring your scarred psyche."

God help me, I even want these stupid bastard puns, plus at least one awful pun as an option in every conversation:

Maybe for season two, yeah Telltale?

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About the Author
Alice O'Connor avatar

Alice O'Connor

Associate Editor

Alice has been playing video games since SkiFree and writing about them since 2009, with nine years at RPS. She enjoys immersive sims, roguelikelikes, chunky revolvers, weird little spooky indies, mods, walking simulators, and finding joy in details. Alice lives, swims, and cycles in Scotland.

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