I imagine there's a Fortnite Battle Royale player out there who can't stand cubes. Sick of being menaced by Kevin, I like to think that one day they tried to take refuge in Soulcalibur VI. And failed.
Fighting game aficionado "Abbock" has dodged a restriction in the game's extraordinary character creator, crafting himself a massive rainbow cube that hides his true character model. I'm curious - how would YOU react to being pitted against the cube?
On the one hand, "Abbock" is clearly a dirty filthy cheater. He's literally got a cheat engine, which you can see him using here to clothe a skeleton in a giant apple.
It would suck to get regularly beaten up by blobby monstrosities lashing out with invisible kicks and punches, and Bandai Namco really need to get their anti-cheat in gear - as far as I'm aware, it's still possible to replicate Abbock's antics. Including in ranked mode.
On the other hand, a one-off scrap against Cubey Mc Cubeface would definitely make me chuckle. So much of Soulcalibur's joy seems to be tied up with discovery, spinning the matchmaking wheel without knowing what assemblage of limbs and imagination you're going to face down next. If that wheel occasionally spits out an unbeatable euclidean, then my time would be all the better for it. (Not that I'm actually going to buy the game. It's 50 sodding quid.)
Here's the cube in action. Sorry about the unpleasant noises.
"The moment-to-moment fighting is strong stuff. When you and an opponent get into a string of blocks and ducks and parries, it takes on the energy of a deadly tennis rally, and that’s all I really demand from a fighting game: a good-looking injection of adrenaline. But it’s the preposterous and wonderful character creator that makes the whole thing stand out, providing enough daftness to take the edge of that adrenal hit."
This cube is daft. But is it too daft?