Skip to main content

PSA: Please leave my horrible silver frog sons alone as you grind for Elden Ring Shadow Of The Erdtree

The Albinaurics don’t deserve this

A lovely albinauric sits in their rightful thrones in Elden Ring
Image credit: FromSoftware

It’s a well known phenomena by now that if you want to level up very quickly in Elden Ring, the best place to do so is a cliff’s edge by Mohgwyn Palace. Nearby to this now-famous site of grace camps a merry band of blood-cursed Albinaurics, as well as a stupid gross bird you can trick into killing itself over and over again. I do not give a single solitary biscuit about that leperous avian, but I’ll be damned if I’m going to waste my new-found position of prominence on this glorious website by not moralising at you heartless rune-hoarders about the unconscionable violence you keep inflicting on my bulbous, shiny frog sons. With Shadow Of The Erdtree out soon, the amount of violence the community is collectively inflicting is breaking my tiny heart.

Please, stop this.

You’ve been told before. Two years ago, Reddit user Evoxrus_XV put out the following plea:

I made a poster to spread awareness on the plight of the endangered Albinaurics.
by u/Evoxrus_XV in Eldenring

And yet, nobody listened. Even on this very website, Ollie will not cease spreading tips on how to butcher these fine folk as efficiently as possible. I won’t stand for it, so I'm using my powers for good.

Back in the days of the first Dark Souls, if we wanted to grind efficiently, we’d have to kill the same gaggle of shielded goos in the Painted world. If you tried this nonsense in Dark Souls 2, they’d simply take your enemies away after you killed them too many times. You kids these days don’t know how good you’ve got it, and how do you show your appreciation? By trying to wipe out an entire species just so your Moonveil hits for like, 5% more damage. How about you just learn Maleketh's stupid bullshit patterns instead of trying to one-shot everything, eh? How about you grow yourself a heart, you swine.

This is not what John Dark Soul died for. You should feel ashamed, just as I did when I realised the fun Albinauric hat I’d been wearing for hours was actually a flayed face. Go kill some rolling goats instead. Those guys suck.

Read this next