Christmas is coming and the goose, my friend, is getting fat. Come quick! Look at this fat goose! Whip your phones out and take photos of the big boy wobbling along, this porky honker, the jiggleduck. What a great goose. Get this goose on This Morning.
What are you playing this weekend? Here's what we're clicking on!
I'm the idiot who hasn't played Obra Dinn yet, so yeah, Obra Dinn, basically. I'm worried I'm too stupid for it. If that does indeed turn out to be the case, please expect me to never, ever mention Obra Dinn anywhere on the site again.
I'm going to have another crack at Ashen this weekend, because Brendy likes it and I'm reasonably sure that he isn't an idiot. Even though he 'doesn't like cheese'. Like, in general, cheese. But will eat pizza because mozzarella isn't the same somehow. I hope the end game of Ashen involves a massive big wheel of cheese somehow. You must light the fire to bake the eternal Camembert of the universe. Something like that.
I've recently picked up Celeste and I can finally see why everyone's been banging on about it all year. I'm going to be attempting to get quite far into it without getting too angry. How do we think I'll do?
I don't have much time this weekend as I'm currently on a business trip down in the land they call Enger, and the first thing I do back home will be the get in the 'flipping' sea with some pals. But I'm missing three whole days of Destiny 2's daily cycle of gear-giving events and... oh no, I've fallen into an MMO hole haven't I?
I'll be in Ashen, making friends. Making friends with a big salamander beast. Making friends with helpful strangers. Making friends with a big axe, and introducing my friend, the axe, to my other friends. Companionship is wonderful.
I probably won't be playing anything but that hot new fighting game on the Nintendo Switch, and even that's not guaranteed to happen as I'll be drinking mulled wine and eating either Lebkuchen or Stollen to bring in the festive season. Always see this time of year as one for socialising with others rather than hiding in my gaming hovel like some kind of hermit.
My partner is away this weekend which means I'll be spending all of it with my two-year-old. That means no games - unless he decides he wants to watch and play more Journey, which he is absolutely obsessed with. I bet none of the people dynamically paired with us through the game's multiplayer realise that the person running in circles and chirping constantly is a toddler.
Oh my goodness, it is the time spoken of in legend. This weekend, Laura and Toby are going to London. I HAVE THE WHOLE WEEKEND TO MYSELF!
I'm going to play games! So many games! I've no idea which ones, but I'm going to play them! I'm going to... stay up late playing games. No, really. I mean, actually I don't have any choice because I've said I'll babysit for some friends Saturday night, and won't be back home until about 11pm. I'm really no good at this. But listen to me: GAMES ARE GETTING PLAYED.
For reasons I cannot decipher, I have somehow become enslaved to Assassin's Creed Odyssey. It was the only thing I ended up playing on my post-deals recovery holiday last week, and now I just can't tear myself away. I stopped enjoying it ages ago, but with just fur more Cultists to root out, it would be silly to give up now. I will be free of this poisonous curse, I WILL (please send help, preferably via eagle).
I'm still playing Artifact, and I still haven't played Obra Dinn. Will one of these things change? Probably. Possibly. I don't know.
I'm descending into Below. Capy's Nathan Vella gave me a demonstration a few weeks ago and was visibly pained to reveal any of the secrets buried in its deeper levels. I caught glimpses of shadow tendrils and pockets stuffed with crafted oddities and can't wait to get to the bottom of it. Both figuratively and literally.
I'll be playing Hades religiously this weekend. Partly because it's just a great dungeon crawler and Supergiant can do no wrong; partly because I've killed the final boss with one of the starting weapons and now need to kill it with all the others; and partly because of the wonderfully snide, disinterested comments I receive from the God of the Underworld each time I fail.
But you, dearest reader, what are you playing?