Rock, Paper, Shotgun

How rude. I sidle off to the seaside for a week of sun, sand, and saucy postcard scrutiny and instead of downing tools and waiting patiently for my return, the World’s wargame workshops and sim smithies press on regardless. Combat Mission’s assault on the Gustav Line appears to have commenced in my absence. DoorKickers’ doorkickers are now toting sledgehammers and breaching charges. Blimey, even the forest-furrowingly brilliant Spintires seems to be on the verge of slithering out of the Siberian slough where it’s been bogged for ages. Read the rest of this entry »

Every day is D-Day -1 for the busy Seabees at Slitherine Software. An Epsom-based outfit that started life constructing singular sword-and-sandal TBSs, is now, thanks to a slew of acquisitions and a dazzlingly dynamic approach to talent spotting/signing, the dominant force in PC wargame publishing. During the coming year, company chieftain Iain McNeil will be overseeing more than fifty releases. Realising I knew little about the firm’s founder, philosophy, or plans, I dragged Iain away from a red-hot field radio and a sand table crowded with 15mm Hoplites, Panzer Grenadiers, astronauts and Space Marines for a chat. Read the rest of this entry »

Mr. Petrie (R.E.) is minutes away from losing control of 2C again. The Ascension Day questions started harmlessly enough (“How fast did he go up, Sir?”, “Did he wave to the Apossums?”) . It was only when Angela Jessop opened her mouth that the lesson began to disintegrate. Angela is of the opinion that Daedalus and Icarus were frauds, and Jesus was, technically, the first aviator. Her assertion that the Son of God probably owned an invisible helicopter, is, like all of Angela’s assertions, difficult to dispute. Mr Petrie mumbles something about omnipotence then closes his eyes, surrendering to the growing hubbub. Mentally he’s already at home, a glass of chilled Budvar in his hand, an evening of undisturbed Formula Truck and DCS UH-1H Huey stretching blissfully ahead of him. Read the rest of this entry »

Wakey-wakey, rise and spend! Jackie is blowing her utility trumpet because she wants the world to know that three old wargames have just had their prices slashed. As conveying detailed sale information with valveless brass instruments is notoriously tricky, it will be left up to Jackie’s assistant Jean (Out of picture. Armed with a Glockenspiel 17.) to explain that the games in question are John Tiller’s Battleground Civil War, Forge of Freedom: The American Civil War and The Great Battles Collector’s Edition. Read the rest of this entry »

The Flare Path lights are dimmed today, the wind socks are at half mast. Jim Mackonochie, one of the most influential, approachable, and well-liked figures in flight simulation died on Tuesday. If you’ve flown a faithfully simulated military jet at any point during the last quarter century, there’s a good chance you’ve enjoyed a game that Jim signed or nurtured. Though most closely associated with Eagle Dynamics creations like Flanker and DCS World, his combination of unquenchable aero enthusiasm and incomparable industry experience also Pavewayed the way for the Falcon series and the early Rowan sims. Read the rest of this entry »

In the summer of 2001 I bought a copy of This Blessed Plot at a village fête for 20p, never suspecting that the hefty tome was destined to sit unfinished on my bookshelf for the next twelve years. My failure to get any further than chapter 3 – ‘Russell Bretherton’ – I’ve always blamed on Hugo Young, Russell Bretherton, or Tim Stone (Perhaps I’m not as interested in Britain’s troubled relationship with Europe as I thought I was). A recent forum comment from the boss of the World’s busiest computer wargame publisher suggests another possible cause. Perhaps the book was simply too cheap.

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This week’s hunk of ‘huh?’ was going to be devoted to four ZX Spectrum wargames inextricably linked with the late Margaret Thatcher. Unfortunately, having checked my files, I now realise Operation Solstice, Battleground Orgreave, and Where There Is Discord were just taproom fantasies dreamt up by me and my mate Lee some time in the early Nineties. We never actually got round to making them. The Crash cover, the sedition charges, the infamous Wogan interview where I ended-up head-butting Barbara Cartland… none of that actually happened. Read the rest of this entry »

I realise this could cause resentment, but it has to be said. Readers #52, #298, and #611, of all the people that regularly peruse this column, you are definitely my favourites. #298, that thing you do with your bottom lip when you’re reading pieces about unexpected OMSI add-ons. Adorable! #611, the way you turn down the radio and shush Minter, your foul-mouthed minah bird, before watching vids on monumental Outerra architecture. Have you any idea how charming that is? And #52… wise, loyal, long-suffering 52, you’re my Blackburn Roc. No-one but you reads every word of these idiotic intros week in, week out. No-one else nods enthusiastically when I brazenly claim Perfect Distance was last year’s most interesting wargame.

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last year I gave up commas for lent this year ive decided to go the whole hog apologies in advance if this makes following the following difficult following a reluctant name change achtung panzer is now graviteam tactics rather than sulk the dispossessed devs have chosen to embrace the timelessness of their new moniker by releasing an add on set in eighties angola after a brief beat around the bush war i scamper off to waylay russell davis a man who is to atc simulation what jonas savimbi was to guerilla warfare Read the rest of this entry »

The Flare Path kill house is not like other kill houses. Footwear must be removed at the front door. All offers of tea or coffee politely accepted. No-one is allowed to exit the hall without yelling “C-o-m-i-n-g, ready or not!”. Those that pass the cat without a) stroking him or b) complimenting him on his “wuvly fluffiness” can expect to be taken to one side by an instructor. Obviously, flashbanging the granny annex between 12.15 and 13.00 (Bargain Hunt) and 14.00 and 15.00 (Bergerac) is strictly forbidden, and anyone caught sniggering at the mantelpiece photo of Tim (the one where he’s wearing the knitted swimming trunks) will be instantly evicted. Read the rest of this entry »

For the last twenty years Eagle Dynamics have been turning complicated contemporary warbirds into complicated contemporary warbird sims. In their latest DCS World add-on, flight is optional and cold start cold sweat highly unlikely. Half real-time wargame, half barebones tank sim, Combined Arms is a game that anyone however dense, work-shy, or prone to airsickness can enjoy. Need proof? Here’s a battle tale from a dense, work-shy, airsickness sufferer. Read the rest of this entry »