Steam Charts: Clean Underwear Edition

Imagine what would happen if Plunkbat weren’t to be at number 1? Could anyone even cope any more? Has all of gaming started operating on this as a foundation, forgetting that it could, one day, not sell more copies than everything else? What if I’m writing this as a bluff because it’s not at number 1 this week? What if I just wrote that to imply the bluff even though there isn’t a bluff?! OH MY GOODNESS EVERYONE QUICKLY READ THIS NOW!

10. Divinity: Original Sin 2

I’m not quite sure what’s prompted DOS2’s return to the doorway of the charts, as the price has sat still since release. I suspect it’s due to a quiet week rather than any growth (EA’s continued moronic insistence to lose countless sales by restricting their games to the barely noticed Origin store ensures Need For Speed and Star Wars: Loot Crate Simulator don’t trouble us here), but I’m very pleased to see that it’s still selling enough copies to hover around these parts.

DOS2 feels like the best game I’m least likely to ever finish before retirement, and I worry that PCs in 30 years might not easily support this generation’s pre-cranial implant technology. “Granddad – why are you using that weird flat plastic screen thing?”

9. Europa Universalis IV: Cradle Of Civilization

It was only announced last month, but the DLC for unfathomable icon sim Europa Universalis IV is already here and charting.

I’ll tell you what, though. The next time someone tries to dismiss gaming as trivial or childish, just read out the bulletpoints for this DLC.

“The wide range of Sunni and Shia disciplines offer unique perks to their disciples and transforms international relations across the Middle East.”

8. Nioh: Complete Edition

I have no useful information about Nioh for you, beyond my utter delight about the above screenshot Adam used in his review. I so love how it combines a gruesome, gory depiction of a monstrous mouth, with the lovable googly eyes of a Muppet.

I can’t stop looking at it, having no idea what is actually happening, the player character seemingly standing on a different plane of reality from the enemy, which might be a floating head, or might be the business end of a giant dragon thing – I have no idea at all. I just know that it’s my favourite picture in forever.

7. Counter-Strike: Global Offensive

This week’s pretty picture of CSGO by a Steam user with a stupid name is by “It’s lunatic time”. Who has a “Steam level” of 310. I don’t know what a Steam levels are, but despite spending a vast amount of my working/waking life playing games via Steam, mine is 20. I suddenly feel incredibly deficient, yet have no idea by what criteria.

5 and 6. Tom Clancy’s Rainbow Six Siege

A free weekend with a half-price option, to answer your “Huh?”. Mr McCormick deems that it remains a great game two years since release, and with fresh meat added this weekend, shooting walls is in vogue again.

Adam! Adam! I got all the way through this without making a [SNIP – Ed] joke for you to delete!

4. Assassin’s Creed Origins

What an odd creature it is. Pretty much everything positive I’ve read or written about this game has been themed around, “The point of the game is a bit poop, but this bit is great…” I love the swimming and the photo mode, and I’m still obsessed with befriending hippos. Alex loves the tomb raiding and the being an eagle.

We keep finding more to love about it, despite the astounding ambivalence to the running around and assassinating people bits.

3. Football Manager 2018

Bah, if this Power Point presentation keeps sticking around in the Charts, I’m just going to have to start telling you some fascinating foot-to-ball facts each week. This is taking up the GTAV spot where I tread as close to libelling Rockstar as Adam or Graham will fail to notice, for goodness sakes.

Foot-to-ball Fact-to-knows

Foot-to-ball was invented in 1994 as an attempt to give awful people something to do. [it was actually 1992 – Ed]

2. Call Of Duty: WWII

CODWAR frankly confused me by having a half-decent single-player campaign. Although a tepid response to the multiplayer, necessarily far more primitive after a decade of future-o-war, is going to make this an odd call for Activision as it chooses where to point the series next.

Well, “next” is relative, since 2018 and 2019’s editions will already be deep in development, their settings long-since decided. I suspect they’ll have not gambled too heavily, and that next year’s will be a compromise, a present-day conflict sim. You just see if I’m right when Kotaku inevitably carries the leaked information in January.

1. PlayErunknown’s BattlegrOunds

Since it’s your birthday, here’s some Forq:


  1. Lars Westergren says:

    > I suddenly feel incredibly deficient, yet have no idea by what criteria.

    Valve’s “spend more money on trading cards to gain virtual points” criteria. Not that I would ever fall for such obvious psychological manipulation. *Puts Steam profile in private mode*

    • mcjamieuk says:

      It’s a combination of that, and money spent in the store. Although yes, most high levels are due to crafting badges. You can get away without spending money on the cards, though, if you’ve got a bit of patience for trading.

    • Ghostwise says:

      Apparently, I am Steam Level 11. I’m confident that it must therefore the best, coolest level.

      The one the ladies really like.

      The one with the go-faster stripes on the flank, and the howling wolf decals.

      Best. Level.

      • wackazoa says:

        Can I touch you? Or at least stand next to you for a minute or so?

  2. DuncUK says:

    I don’t know who Forq are but I do hope they’ve released an album entitled ‘Andles’.

  3. xfstef says:

    Aw thanks John! How did you know?

  4. redhqs says:

    CODWART surely, T for 2 innit

  5. kushum123 says:

    Just so you know, nobody calls it Plunkbat… anyone who plays the game calls it PUBG

  6. Pich says:

    >This week’s pretty picture of CSGO by a Steam user with a stupid name is by “It’s lunatic time”

    IIRC it’s a Touhou reference.

  7. Premium User Badge

    Earl-Grey says:

    PLayErunknown’s BattlegroundS.


    Also found this gem over at Urban Dictionary:
    A stupid fucking way for saying PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds or pubg. The acronym comes from PLayerUNKnownsBATtlegrounds
    Fuck Rock, Paper, Shotgun for their usage of plunkbat.”

    PLEBS indeed.

    • Ghostwise says:

      I occasionally wonder whether it’s just one guy who is going all ballistic over somebody having a friendly nickname for a favourite video game.

      Or if it’s, like, an organisation of several guys with uniforms, a vision statement and a volcano base.

      • Malcolm says:

        How dare you disrespect the very serious endeavour of PUBGGING by persisting in referencing it with a light hearted (not to mention easier to pronounce) alias.

        In my head now hardcore PUBGGERS have the same humourless demeanour as fans of a certain popular sci-fi series who insist that referring to them as Trekkies undermines the gravitas of their pastime.

  8. Ghostwise says:

    Also, that was good music. I shall investigate Forq further.

  9. Syt says:

    Shouldn’t it be “CODWORWAR2”?

  10. Dewal says:

    I’m just seeing now that GTA V is not in the top ten anymore. What happened ?!

  11. AlwaysBlack says:

    Forq rock John! Keep the music recommendations coming.

  12. Imperialist says:

    Regarding Steam levels, while the average gamer would probably land somewhere between the 10-20 range, its possible to get much higher through dumping obscene amounts of money into buying Trading cards, crafting badges, etc.
    Makes even more sense for a CS:GO player since they have a Skin Economy going on over there.

    • Skabooga says:

      I know what the Skin Economy really means, but I know even more what it sounds like it might be.

  13. parsley says:

    I believed the bluff-not-bluff-bluff. Gah. I’m still curious about Anything-but-Assassinating-Creed Origins, but I think I’ll wait until I can buy Divinity: OS2 and never finish it.

  14. FlapJack234 says:

    I made an account to Specifically tell you to stop calling it “Plunkbat”… stop