Hey, what are y-- get out of my house. No, I meant the mine, where the miners work. Not my house. Get off my armchair, stop eating my -- oh, okay, one fight, but then you’ve really got to go. This free update in Absolver won’t news itself. The skinny fighting game has just added new kicks and Bruce Lee punches and armour and powers, you see, but most importantly players can now dive into an abandoned mining complex where a random assortment of rooms and enemies will let them harvest a shiny new type of moneystuff to spend on fashionable new waistcoats. I’m going down there right after I knock you out. Here, this is your controller. Yes, the broken one. Hiiiiiiiiii-YAH!
You can read all the patch notes for Absolver’s Downfall update here but the gist is that you can find the new dungeon-diving mode by going into the ‘Combat Trials’ menu, where the PvP biffing matches usually happen. You’ll need to have beaten the story mode first, mind.
Once in the mines of Adal, you and up to two mates fight enemies and bosses, collecting ‘Gleam’ from their bruised cadavers. Enough Gleam will get you new shoes and other accessories, although I’m not certain how generous the prices will be. When it comes to earning rewards and glittery digi-cash, the open world has always been a lot stingier than the enclosed player-on-player fisticuffs. Hopefully, the mines will be a way to get new stuff at a decent rate, rather than a hard day at the coalface (gleamface?)
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There’s also the new fighting style, Faejin, based on Jeet Kune Do, which “blends defense and offense with percussive strikes and fluid power,” according to developers Sloclap. And new special powers that you can trigger mid-fight. I like the sound of the “Unbreakable” power, which coats your bod in a near-impervious barrier. Or the “Snatcher” power, which “stuns and disarms your opponent, pulling their weapon towards you.” To suddenly pull out a sword is one of the rudest things in this fashionable pugilism sim, so having the power to yank it right out of your opponent's hands is bound to feel satisfying.
Alongside the update, there’s the usual tweaks and balances. Some moves have been calmed down, others have been beefed up, and some bugs have been squashed. “The character won’t be changing skin color randomly anymore,” reads one patch note.
Okay, that’s your lot. I’ve beaten you to a pulp and written the news post at the same time. You’ve got to leave now. No, I don’t care if the analog stick was stiff. I spilled cola on it last night, that’s just how fights go sometimes. All right, bye. See you down the mine.